The pain of waiting.
Seeing today’s reality and expecting for tomorrow’s change.
I believe it was Solomon who said, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12 NLT)
As I sit in this waiting room of life I look for my place in the pain. I look for how to walk through this effectively for Jesus. I wonder if God wants to teach me something harder than I could imagine.
I KNOW He is training me up for something amazing! I know it!
I keep getting the sense that God wants to teach me…Long Suffering.
Not so much to inflict pain on me over a long period of time, but to give me a passion and a desire for something that I can’t have for a long time.
I look back at my life and recognize that I have never hoped, dreamed, really expectantly waited for anything. It either happened soon or I stopped expecting it. It has been a defense mechanism.
I am very much a Microwave type of guy. It’s like convenience, efficiency, productivity…24/7. Trust me they have an app for everything.
Well I am reminded…almost everything. However, the app that The Lord has me downloading these days is patience.
But the thing is I have gotten better at patience. I really have. Right?
In the past 4 years, the Lord has shown me a strengthening and a sharpening that comes from waiting but He has still blown me away by the speed in which he just blesses me.
Truth be told, rather than being so improved in the area of patience. I think I have just found another example of how I only have two gears.
Park and Top Gear.
Let me explain.
Top Gear Me fights all day in prayer. He plans a victory and sweats until it is won.
Top Gear Me is fierce and has a take no prisoner attitude. No retreat. no surrender.
As you all well know, no one can live in Top Gear.
So when my gears get tired, I have yet to develop the ability to simply downshift well.
I just go straight to park.
Park Me loses hope. Park Me stops thinking, dreaming, and truly waiting, but gives up and moves on.
Park Me takes his bags and finds a new focus, project or road…waiting to find a path to get back to Top Gear.
I feel God is finding me now on the back end of Top Gear and is comforting and encouraging me to simply down shift.
It’s like God is telling me:
Stay on the road. Stay in the game. Pop the clutch and keep moving forward.
Take your pit stops along the way. Change some tires. Tighten some bolts. Gas up, and get back in the race. Dont get comfortable in park.
I made you for the road, but not just any road. My road. This road. Now keep waiting on me, but don’t you dare park it.
That is such a weird concept to me. Wait but don’t park.
I guess it’s like taxiing the runway or flying in a holding pattern.
This is the position that I hear God calling me to…
So now as I fly through life, I need to get better acquainted with those middle gears. Learning mid speed travel. Learning to stay attuned to the control towers signals as I fly.
If you sense me beginning to park, feel free to spur me onward. This is new to me, so I might need a bit of help.
Just tell me, “Dont Park!”