This is the first of two releases today. “Cracked” journeys you through the first public reveal of some of my struggles with depression from my childhood through my young adulthood. Discover in it my emotional rollercoaster of rejection and despair caused by a left apart from God.
I was born… a child of destiny
Destined for chains before I’d be set free.
By the age of three …they’d call me showstopper
I’d hold court like a jester
Yessir like my papa
I had dimples and jokes that simple folks
Thought was the cutest still truest even if I never spoke
At age 8 I awoke
From a dream to nightmares
When my folks split  said I quit like they never cared
I was scared
As my world now crumbled
Trust tumbled down my hearts stairs and stung me like a bumble
I couldn’t see a victory
So I swore to be strong
As a child’s strength could be
Life got too tough
Did I have the right stuff or just Not enough
7th grade was rough
I couldn’t just coast
My mind was still spent and my emotions were toast
A host of worry and weight
Rest on young shoulders
I was in a hurry to wait
It’d be great when I got older
I told her I’d relax when I saw her smile
But my Mom’s stress came to rest on this child
For a while I held it close like a purse
But when that bubble burst
a blessed life became a curse
Worst came to worst
Dying of thirst
And I searched for hearse
Found a padded room instead
and that was just the first time
I wished I was dead
Yeah that’s what I said
Never could have guessed
Me being depressed would all be for the best
pain trapped behind my chest
I failed every test
as I cried alone in my sheets
And I owned the defeat
How could it be I was so incomplete
I thought I had it all and I never knew lack
That was the first day I began to crack
I came back like a Jedi
Yeah I took the red eye
Through the night of my soul
Medicated for control
But yet again I lost it
The first girl it costed
And while my pain slept
She kept up her rep
And tossed me
Straight to the curb
When she heard I was disturbed
She couldn’t be w a dude who was coocoo like them birds
So the word spread…
And yeah…just to hack it
I embraced what they said
Call me mr straight jacket
Identity took a hit
wouldn’t quit I would recover
I had hope that there was more joy
Left to discover
Then finally the day came my life anticipated
Tossed my cap Hi and said bye as I graduated
Goodbye sorrow
Here comes tomorrow
Didn’t know I had borrowed til the debt was due that I owed
I had sewed
a masked life and stacked up regret
Didn’t know who I was or meant to be yet
Hid behind a wall and thought I was free
Free to roam and at home and didn’t know me
Until I became broken like the I love u’s I had spoken
My wife’s love I had choked and
My last check I was floating
Rough ragged and worn
Heart torn
From the broken vow I had sworn
Until I became reborn
And broke away from the pack
…And God put back together what had once been cracked