“Sitting at His Feet” (FULL VERSION) – Spoken Word Dedicated to my Deceased Little Brother

 SITTING AT HIS FEET EPISODE COVER

“Sitting at His Feet”

by Arman Sheffey

[Dedicated to the memory of Rafael Sheffey]

Another day away from the last day you smiled.

A year came and gone and it don’t seem like a while.

The pain I’ve been feeling I’m a just slide it in this file

And it won’t be long before its at the bottom of the pile.

Thinking ’bout memories softens up my eyes.

When your favorite Nora Jones song is played makes me wanna cry.

Wonder why

the word “bro” makes me choke up.

First time I saw you go left I wish I spoke up.

I’m still broke up

from reality without you.

Doubt you

ever knew most of my guilts are about you.

Hallelu

-jah you probably up there singing,

“Holy holy holy”

With heavenly bells ringing.

I’m thinking—

that you probably remixed the track by now,

Got the Angels on the hook while you Beat box the background.

Never backed down

from challenge cause you seemed drawn to the scuffle.

Always swimming up stream enjoying burstin people’s bubbles.

Now there’s rubble

And ruin in a space of my heart.

Didn’t know you were on the walls until they all fell apart.

Ready to start

the healing and see it complete,

But until Jesus frees us I’m just gonna be sitting at His feet.

 

Nothing more to do.

It takes all that I have just to feel alive.

When your hearts torn in two,

Sitting at His feet’s the only way to survive.

 

Yeah survive

that’s what my big bro told me.

He’s the only one I got left so holding each word closely.

I’m surviving mostly

Is this how it’s supposed to be?

As I reflect on my former student’s rosary

That dangles from my rear view

Wish the pain was in the rear view

But I hear through

prayers and pain is where I get a clear view

Just to be near you….

One more time

To hear you

philosophize wax poetic yet prophetic with your lines

Wish I could read between ’em

Better interpret the signs

and point out the land mines.

They say it was a stroke,

But not a stroke of genius.

But what they don’t know – – –

Your last stroke hit the green, cuz

Now the only difference between us

Is I’m one breath away from where the grass is always greener.

Forgive me if I go slow.

Must admit it’s the only thing for which I’m patient.

I gots to live so imma let go.

Call it Heavenly procrastination.

My imagination

runs wild Like we used to do

And I pray this world doesn’t tame my wonder…now I wonder who

Is gonna challenge my views

Scuff up my shoes

Loosen my screws

Unpack the news

Laugh at my blues

And get me enthused

When I’m down to nothing…

Sitting at His feet I know God’s up to something.

 

Nothing more to do.

It takes all that I have just to feel alive.

When your hearts torn in two,

Sitting at His feet’s the only way to survive.

 

I don’t want to give up, give in.

I can’t bury this anymore.

So it’s time to dig up the pain

And toss the grave clothes on the floor

 

I don’t want to give up, give in.

I can’t bury this anymore.

So it’s time to dig up the pain

And toss the grave clothes on the floor.

 

Nothing more to do.

It takes all that I have just to feel alive.

When your hearts torn in two,

Sitting at His feet’s the only way to survive.

 

So my perfume is all poured out… Yep I broke the bottle.

The best of me is empty

Simply

waiting on steps to follow.

I’ve wallowed

long enough licking wounds made my tongue dry

Swallowing

the hard stuff

Acting like I can’t cry

Men don’t lose their grip but what if you never had it.

Never the Captain of this ship.

Surrender became a habit.

But it seems with my pain,

I snatched back the reigns,

Saying this one too tough.

I’ll take care of these stains.

“Psyche” no chance… This fool discovered

There is no sin or pain that Christ’s blood doesn’t cover.

Lover —

of my soul

Becomes my Jehovah Rapha

So when I call God healer just makes me think of Rafa -el

My Lil bro,

coincidence? Don’t think so.

My healer and bro’s names are almost identical

So when I try and shout Rafa/Rapha

I’m crying out for el,

El Ohim

glad I’m a product of His dream.

I know he can take this dark nightmare and build a future gleam.

So I sit and glean …

from His word… Let the truth roll like a rock slide.

Keeping Christ at forefront and not falling off the backside.

No backslide–

in my stroll, But like MJ I’ll moonwalk.

Hit the edge and then I spin

Is it the end

or can we still talk?

Communicating in truth used to be an issue

Now there’s nothing left to say except “Bro I miss you.”

I feel I’m at the crossroad where a thousand diseases meet

So every twinge I feel I gotta lay it at Jesus’ feet

 

Nothing more to do.

It takes all that I have just to feel alive.

When your hearts torn in two,

Sitting at His feet’s the only way to survive.

 

Nothing more to do.

It takes all that I have just to feel alive.

When your hearts torn in two,

Sitting at His feet’s the only way to survive.

P.S. Short heartfelt poem recorded at his grave last May (2015)