Cracked (A Song of my History of Depression)

This is the first of two releases today. “Cracked” journeys you through the first public reveal of some of my struggles with depression from my childhood through my young adulthood. Discover in it my emotional rollercoaster of rejection and despair caused by a left apart from God.


I was born… a child of destiny

Destined for chains before I’d be set free.

By the age of three …they’d call me showstopper

I’d hold court like a jester

Yessir like my papa

I had dimples and jokes that simple folks

Thought was the cutest still truest even if I never spoke

At age 8 I awoke

From a dream to nightmares

When my folks split  said I quit like they never cared

I was scared

As my world now crumbled

Trust tumbled down my hearts stairs and stung me like a bumble


I couldn’t see a victory

So I swore to be strong

As a child’s strength could be


Life got too tough

Did I have the right stuff or just Not enough

7th grade was rough

I couldn’t just coast

My mind was still spent and my emotions were toast

A host of worry and weight

Rest on young shoulders

I was in a hurry to wait

It’d be great when I got older

I told her I’d relax when I saw her smile

But my Mom’s stress came to rest on this child

For a while I held it close like a purse

But when that bubble burst

a blessed life became a curse

Worst came to worst

Dying of thirst

And I searched for hearse

Found a padded room instead

and that was just the first time

I wished I was dead

Yeah that’s what I said

Never could have guessed

Me being depressed would all be for the best

pain trapped behind my chest

I failed every test

as I cried alone in my sheets

And I owned the defeat

How could it be I was so incomplete

I thought I had it all and I never knew lack

That was the first day I began to crack



I came back like a Jedi

Yeah I took the red eye

Through the night of my soul

Medicated for control

But yet again I lost it

The first girl it costed

And while my pain slept

She kept up her rep

And tossed me

Straight to the curb

When she heard I was disturbed

She couldn’t be w a dude who was coocoo like them birds

So the word spread…

And yeah…just to hack it

I embraced what they said

Call me mr straight jacket

Identity took a hit

wouldn’t quit I would recover

I had hope that there was more joy

Left to discover

Then finally the day came my life anticipated

Tossed my cap Hi and said bye as I graduated

Goodbye sorrow

Here comes tomorrow

Didn’t know I had borrowed til the debt was due that I owed

I had sewed

a masked life and stacked up regret

Didn’t know who I was or meant to be yet

Hid behind a wall and thought I was free

Free to roam and at home and didn’t know me

Until I became broken like the I love u’s I had spoken

My wife’s love I had choked and

My last check I was floating

Rough ragged and worn

Heart torn

From the broken vow I had sworn

Until I became reborn

And broke away from the pack

…And God put back together what had once been cracked