Cracked (A Song of my History of Depression)

This is the first of two releases today. “Cracked” journeys you through the first public reveal of some of my struggles with depression from my childhood through my young adulthood. Discover in it my emotional rollercoaster of rejection and despair caused by a left apart from God.

CRACKED LYRICS

I was born… a child of destiny

Destined for chains before I’d be set free.

By the age of three …they’d call me showstopper

I’d hold court like a jester

Yessir like my papa

I had dimples and jokes that simple folks

Thought was the cutest still truest even if I never spoke

At age 8 I awoke

From a dream to nightmares

When my folks split  said I quit like they never cared

I was scared

As my world now crumbled

Trust tumbled down my hearts stairs and stung me like a bumble

Bee

I couldn’t see a victory

So I swore to be strong

As a child’s strength could be

Inevitably

Life got too tough

Did I have the right stuff or just Not enough

7th grade was rough

I couldn’t just coast

My mind was still spent and my emotions were toast

A host of worry and weight

Rest on young shoulders

I was in a hurry to wait

It’d be great when I got older

I told her I’d relax when I saw her smile

But my Mom’s stress came to rest on this child

For a while I held it close like a purse

But when that bubble burst

a blessed life became a curse

Worst came to worst

Dying of thirst

And I searched for hearse

Found a padded room instead

and that was just the first time

I wished I was dead

Yeah that’s what I said

Never could have guessed

Me being depressed would all be for the best

pain trapped behind my chest

I failed every test

as I cried alone in my sheets

And I owned the defeat

How could it be I was so incomplete

I thought I had it all and I never knew lack

That was the first day I began to crack

 

HOOK

I came back like a Jedi

Yeah I took the red eye

Through the night of my soul

Medicated for control

But yet again I lost it

The first girl it costed

And while my pain slept

She kept up her rep

And tossed me

Straight to the curb

When she heard I was disturbed

She couldn’t be w a dude who was coocoo like them birds

So the word spread…

And yeah…just to hack it

I embraced what they said

Call me mr straight jacket

Identity took a hit

wouldn’t quit I would recover

I had hope that there was more joy

Left to discover

Then finally the day came my life anticipated

Tossed my cap Hi and said bye as I graduated

Goodbye sorrow

Here comes tomorrow

Didn’t know I had borrowed til the debt was due that I owed

I had sewed

a masked life and stacked up regret

Didn’t know who I was or meant to be yet

Hid behind a wall and thought I was free

Free to roam and at home and didn’t know me

Until I became broken like the I love u’s I had spoken

My wife’s love I had choked and

My last check I was floating

Rough ragged and worn

Heart torn

From the broken vow I had sworn

Until I became reborn

And broke away from the pack

…And God put back together what had once been cracked

HOOK

 

Simple by Pastor Fury

A new rap about the easy and light burden of Christ.

We often make following Him so much more complicated than it is.

Enjoy this hip hop styled call back to a closer walk with God in the everyday peace of joyous relationship.

“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:30

Simple (Instrumental):

Entire Misfits Album

Relax

 

2016-08-01 10.33.24This, the 2nd release today, is a free spirited lazy river on my vacation in Italy where I recorded both of the newly released tracks and am now posting this. We can never accomplish all we are called to alone, we must trust the God can do more in 6 days with Him that we can with 7 days without Him, so relax.

RELAX LYRICS

When the wood hit the snare

I’m dropping lyrics and my cares

In a world thats fast paced

Gotta slow down to win the race

(Are we there yet?)

 

Flip flopping to the goal

Walking rest for my soul

Bandana for my sweat

naw kid we aint there yet

 

leaning back sofa life

exhaling loads of strife

Soak the word in my pours

Let the lies out the door

(Aint that the truth?)

 

Dream catching just for fun

Drying tears with the sun

Straight chillin is the deal

Thats the truth gotta keep it real

 

Work hard play harder

Learn to rest like my father

6 days he did his thang

So on the 7th he would hang

(so let’s get it now)

 

Relax Yourself

Relax Yourself

Relax Yourself

Relax Yourself

 

Still so much left to do

How can we ever make it through

So now I unflex my muscle

and flex my trust thru the struggle

(Is it true God?)

 

Take it farther make it better

I was a born go getter

Ambition was my wife

But God asked for my life

(Its all yours God)

 

Sleep eat read repeat

My itinerary’s complete

Tropical mirage and massage

Chillin in shorts that camofauge

(You don’t see me)

 

Put aside them emails

and discard all the details

It will be there when u return

Just breathe..lesson learned

(so let’s get it now)

 

Relax Yourself

Relax Yourself

Relax Yourself

RElax Yourself

 

READ SCRIPTURE

GENESIS (CREATION)

Don’t Hold Back (ft. Ginn Miller)

Redemed Mixtape CoverWe’ve got so much to do.
But we need’s God power to do it.
Ultimately it is His work.
So let’s not hold back giving him all of us and let’s not hold back from the calling we’ve each been handed.
He is worthy.

 

 

Lyrics

They got they guns cocked and loaded pointed at our leaders

they say talk is cheap but them lies are even cheaper

We storming off to war with a love that’s nuclear

We tremble as we march but we shouting “no fear”

Sometimes who we fight is staring in the mirror

But we doers of the word and not just hearers

Praying The Lord just draws us a lil nearer

Sometimes blurry vision makes the goal unclear

Sober minded ain’t a job it’s our career

A lifestyle change the old me is to the rear

Broken hearted bout my past but I won’t shed a tear

I won’t regret a thing it made me who I’m meant to be-a

See I used to filter talking to tickle your ear

But now speaking truth like this our last year

Never know when its over and our time disappears

Bring me the real you not like that girl Sia

I see your face so Strap and lace up cuz we are

Going to war against a brutal enemy-a

He’s taking no prisoners so guard your familia

So we gotta keep it together Just like Pangea

Though we crazy in the fam like reunion’s with Madea

Trust God gave you gifts when he made you a believer

So don’t hold em back let the world be your receiver

The Battle is tough we make it easier

But it aint black and white like leave it to beaver

So we keep our faith running high like a fever

Don’t fall for the lies and get trick by the deceiver

He’s shot calling if ya shock collared like retrievers

Break them chains cuz you were meant to be freer

Thats why God came down though it sounds weird

He put on skin and then made the blind men seers

He bled for our sins So he’s the one we should revere

HOOK

There’s a goal up ahead she said as she sat down

We meant to be the head not tail so don’t back down

There’s truth in the fire so don’t overreact now

Sometimes you gotta get burned to learn yep that’s how

Listening to wisdom can save you a stack now

Sweating still makes a way but may throw your back out

But only when Gods powering u so don’t black out

Stay connected to the vine b4 he stake the trash out

Let him prune so you can grow so no don’t cash out

At least one more hand to play so keep your stash out

Though your stroke is different keep it steady don’t splash out

Time to hulk up to challenge and just smash out

Keep it cool under pressure

Stress will make ya lash out

But don’t quit the fight

Tonight we gonna hash out

Our differences the difference is you let the class out

And I picked up the chalk

So let’s talk about the past now

we can’t ignore the power that history has now

9/11 or slavery which memory should last now

But God’s sacrifice left an eternal impact now

Christ died and rose and he’s coming back down

The day and time we can’t even track now

Be ready because judgement day ain’t exact now

If you ain’t all in by then you

Gonna crash down

It ain’t gonna leave a bruise or a gash now

But a tormented soul where teeth gnash now

So keep that in mind as you just having a blast now

Life is a blink it’s gone in a flash now

Love matters most so we don’t hate and bash now

let Jesus’be that balm that calms and soothes the rash out

Let’s go hard and love our enemies until we just pass out

Preachers live them gospel tracts and don’t just pass out

I know it’s a marathon but it’s time to go fast now